The illusion of sexual power and its stronghold on the male psyche.

One of the biggest takeaways from the sexual revolution was the focus on Women's empowerment, and Male rehabilitation. A large component of this rehabilitation was concerned with not objectifying Women, and also respecting Womens choices. 

What was was missing was a look into a prominent hyper-macho, male virtue that there is value in being able to perform well sexually, and there is value in having many partners, many different examples of sexual experience, or any sexual experience at all. 

This pathological, mythical male virtue is so prominent in our culture, it has almost become custom. This custom is found all around the globe, from recorded history to the modern World. Today it's found in many different facets of everyday life, it's found in music, its found in the idolization of the "player" figure, and its one of the key components in the "Alpha Male" philosophy.  

Historically and presently, there is no evidence that those who possess or possessed sexual prowess have progressed our civilization foward any more so than those who haven't.

There is also no scientific evidence that those who possess sexual experience and prowess have better mental and physical health than those who don't. There is an exception to this. A potential deterrent to good health from someone with limited or no sexual experience can come from external sources in our culture: from embarrassment, humiliation and feelings of inadequacy, from peers, partners, and often popular media. Are these reasons proof that the problem lies in the lack of experience itself, or the problem is in the reaction to it, from society, from a partner, or even from the inexperienced person themself? Are there people with limited to no sexual experience who see themself as accomplished, confident and "Manly" as those who have it? If so, where is their representation, or the promotion of the virtuous value of their choice in popular culture? We do however, have "the 40 year old virgin", as a comedic punchline strong enough to form the premise of a movie. Why do we find that concept something to laugh at? Why is there a culture of "incels", people who feel they have to aggressively, and often disrespectfully weild their virginity against others? 

If we are look at sex as a commodity from a business framework, or as sex as the basis for a formal artistic institution, then experience and performance would be legit. For some people, it's a source of personal pride. In the field of sex work, it's certainly legit. In love however, it means nothing. Love isn't dependent on sexual prowess or experience. Sex is but one thread of pleasure in the endless, infinite fabric of satisfaction that love encompasses.  

Black Love and how it can re-shape the World. - Part 1 - Suffering

As Black people in America, we tend to hold social and cultural facets of other races to a higher regard. This is most prominent in relation to White people. We also obsess on our negative, destructive facets to the point of often falling into damaging self-fulfilling prophecies. This is a result of generations of mental colonization, false programming, and brainwashing by racism.

I was reading the book "Salvation: Black People and Love" by Bell Hooks and she brought up an interesting point. She says "There should be an entire body of work, both serious scholarship and popular material, focusing on Black self-love." 

I found this very interesting and I wanted to expand this idea outside of self-love, to also include community and family love. In the next installment of this post, I'm going to create a small, abridged list of facets of social and cultural life we should celebrate. These facets aren't part of the popular, dominant culture, yet they promote a holistic sense of identity and understanding of the world around us.

For part one of this two part post, I want to write about these facets in light of the Black condition. The truth is that many of these practices exist because we sit at the lowest social strata in this country. We are this way because we suffer. Some see this suffering as an unnecessary obstacle, one that should be shunned, regardless of its output, while others see it in a Biblical paradigm, nurturing our highest, fullest, most God-like self. 

While I agree that we shouldn't have to suffer, I tend to lean more towards the religious, spiritual understanding because I can't simply erase the scars, or ignore the impact generations of suffering has had on me, my family, and my people's existence. What was done has been done. There's no going back. 

I don't necessarily see suffering as a the most extreme, destitute form of disenfranchisement, physical pain or imprisonment. That form of suffering does exist and it can be horrific, but its one of many forms of suffering. In its most rudimentary, yet still spiritually potent form, it can be that nagging feeling that something is wrong that needs to be fixed. Its not something that one looks for either. I try not to walk into suffering or repeat the patterns that cause suffering, that's the action of a psychopath. That's self-destruction. The suffering I'm referring to is the epic internal and external conflict known as "the struggle", that we deal with by being Black. Suffering is a great teacher, whose lessons are applied, preserved and updated.

Picture suffering as a man-made garden. The plot of land that was cleared to tend to this garden is the object of suffering. The land with its original growth now gone is the sufferer. 

One can let that land sit vacant in the hopes that new growth will sprout by itself, which may lead to at best, a renewal of what was there before, or at worst a dead patch of land. This is the suffering that occurs with no follow up. Victims often experience this. We have repeatedly experienced this cruel roll of dice throughout history. 

One may also plant seeds and never tend to it again, creating a growth that may find a way to form an organic symbiotic relationship at best, or a parasitic relationship at the worst. This is akin to shallow advice with no follow ups, ineffective legislation by government authorities, or moral platitudes often eschewed by the Church with no practical means of action to accompany scripture. We to have also suffered in this more complex dice game. 

Another option is continuously preserve, tend to, and update the garden with new cyclical growth by rotating crops, plants and trees, creating a sustainable source of energy and a psychological refuge that promotes a sense of harmony and feng shui. This may create an entirely new ecosystem, or a fruitful source of nourishment for a village, or even the World on a macro level. 

To apply this ecosystem metaphor to the Black experience is to refer to the ongoing social, psychological, and economic work performed at the community level. When we are at our best, we do this with spectacular results. 

What are some of the ways we do this?

Stay tuned to part 2 for more:

 :)

Read this book!